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Closeness with
Others
- BE YOURSELF. Don’t try
to relate to others by
acting like you think they
would want/expect you
to. Being real from the
start gives each person
a chance to see if they
can be comfortable with
each other's beliefs,
interests, looks, and
lifestyle. - COMMUNICATE BETTER.
This is an essential skill
in a good relationship of
any type.
Use "I" statements
when talking to others
about your thoughts or
feelings. This promotes
ownership of what you
are saying, which
establishes a strong,
direct position.
Self disclose at a slow,
but steady rate. This is
the art of sharing your
private thoughts and
feelings with people you
trust. Revealing too
much too soon can
cause the speaker to
feel overly vulnerable
and the listener to feel
uncomfortable and
obligated to reciprocate.
Take your time. You can
increase your rate of
sharing as you get to
know the person better.
Ask for what you
need/want. Others can
not read your mind, so
limit your expectation that
the other person should
be able to guess what
you prefer out of their
affection for you. The
best chance of receiving
what you want is to
speak up and ask for it!
Check out your
assumptions. You are
no mind reader either.
Misunderstandings can
arise from acting on
what you guess your
friend/partner wants.
Give both of you
permission to peacefully
refuse each other's
requests at times. - RESOLVE CONFLICTS
Take the relationship
from MY WAY/YOUR WAY
to OUR WAY through
negotiation and
compromise. Start the
problem solving by
listening to and
respecting each other's
point of view. Conflicts
are more easily
addressed when both
people participate in the
solution, instead of one
person dominating the
decision making
process. Aim for a
balance of power. - RECIPROCATE Give
equal importance to the
feelings, interests, and
needs of each person in
the relationship. Develop
the skill of both giving
and receiving emotional
support. - ENJOY EACH OTHER! Let
good humor and fun
together be a part of your
regular schedule.
www.utdallas.edu/student/slife/counseling/relati
on.html
A major stumbling block in any relationship is settling disagreements, which often reduce
to emotional shouting matches rather than caring problem-solving. Basic ground rules for
effectively facing conflict in a relationship include:
- Maintain a spirit of good will - remember: you care about this person.
- Avoid attacking one another - discuss behavior, not personalities.
- Share your feelings - explore and discuss them.
- Focus on the present - past dissapointments cannot be changed. Concentrate on here and now.
- Specific Techniques
- Choose a time to have the discussion - make it an appointment. Avoid those times
when either of you are fatigued, ill, or under pressure. - Be specific: take time to reflect on what you are upset about and focus on specific
actions, feelings, and attitudes. - Listen carefully. Allow each individual uninterrupted time to explain his/her viewpoint.
- Work on one issue at a time. Decide what is the uppermost concern and discuss it.
- Ask for reasonable change. Determine what you really want from the person, then ask
yourself if it is realistic and authentic. Give the person a chance to correct the situation. - Try to accept: be open to the other person's feelings and accept them without being judgemental.
- Be willing to compromise: avoid trying to win. Try to find a solution that is satisfying for you both.
- Realize the need to accep an incomplete resolution of a conflict. At times, completely resolving an issue
is impossible. - If you have extreme difficulty expressing your feelings, try writing them down in a note or letter.
- After the discussion is over, EXPRESS YOUR APPRECIATION for the other's listening to and discussing
the issue with you. Reaffirm your respect and affection for each other. Finish on a positive note.
Source: http://www.uwec.edu/Counsel/pubs/bhr.htm
